AUSTRALIA DECLARES WAR IN A TIME OF PEACE
Home Secretary Mike “Doof Doof” Pezzullo says Australia cannot avoid “the drums of war”. Even more terrifying than the drums – the bass guitar solo.
Pezzullo is a fried public servant on a tip with a scorched earth side.
Doubly grieved by the successful surrender of Afghanistan to the Taliban, excessive Defense Minister Peter Dutton is ready to join any war until he starts it.
Meanwhile. the federal government spent $ 747 million to protect the Northern Territory from anyone stupid enough to want the Northern Territory.
The days of Anzac de Pezzullo are numbered.
SCOMO “ LAY ON HANDS ” BUT NOT IN THIS WAY
Prime Minister Scott Morrison said every Australian is “created in the image of God” without specifying exactly when it happened.
“Some of those Neanderthals were downright picky,” said one scientist.
“And, going back further, it’s hard to find a whitebeard lungfish.
Sco-Pony says he practices the tradition of “laying on of hands” and “firing workers.”
Morrison said social media is used by “the smart one.” His advisers are reluctant to tell him about PornHub.
The PM also likes to speak in tongues, preferably forked.
CRAIG KELLY & SANTA CLAUS OFF FACEBOOK
In its war on disinformation, Facebook shut down the pages of Santa Claus MP and Craig Kelly, promoter of Hydroxychloroquine Teeth Whitener.
Mr Kelly said: “I was banned for crying out loud, for crying out loud!”
His blockage has gone viral, but he can cure it with bleach.
Mr. Kelly is in the process of creating his own platform – The Antisocial Network, where everyone is free to talk about Mr. Kelly’s opinion.
AN OSCAR AUDIENCE SO SMALL THEY MAKE THE LOGIES GOOD
American Oscar viewers have grown from 43.7 million in 2014 to 9.8 million in 2021.
The Oscars were officially declared a “safe space,” so no action, drama, or entertainment was allowed.
Next year’s Oscar Woke categories:
- Best comedy that should be ashamed to laugh at a time like this
- The best happy ending you didn’t wait to see because the movie was so dark
- Best political speech on an important issue that will be forgotten until next year’s Oscars
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